Kentucky quarterback Will Levis puts mayonnaise in his coffee, should be locked up without parole

Here’s the thing about coffee: everyone, everywhere, is making every effort to avoid drinking it. It is being filled with milk. The recipient will receive four pumps of raspberry syrup. They are applying whipped cream and nutmeg to the dessert. They are relaxing. They have frozen it. They are throwing everything into it, sometimes literally. In spite of all the innovation in the make-coffee-not-taste-like-coffee industry, Kentucky quarterback Will Levis is an outlier, even in our anything-goes coffee culture. His preferred mixer, dare you inquire?

Mayonnaise.

Arrest this suspect. Lock him up and toss the key away. This is not a touch of mayonnaise to smooth it out. Levis globs in approximately a third of a cup, creating a horrifying, clumpy mixture of egg-based condiment and morning stimulant that should be banned by every religious and legal institution on the planet. The individual then brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip. Who knows what happens next because we lost consciousness.

Levis’ bone-chilling creamer confirms his status as one of college football’s most peculiar individuals. This spring, we informed you that he signed a NIL contract with 2019 Preakness Stakes winner War of Will in an effort to attract mares from across Appalachia. Now, he’s adding mayonnaise to his coffee. Whether you’re a fan of the Kentucky Wildcats or the Louisville Cardinals, we can all agree that this man needs to be placed on a watchlist before it’s too late.

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